declensions

peterong — Fri, 26 May 2006 12:52:57 +0000

these young lives which harbor a beige sort of shallow cynicism will be gathering this weekend. trendering all their unmanaged insecurities into a bellow of god-talk, cafeteria faith, riddled with saturated spiritual fat. i love them for that. their realness in the face of such counterfeit church culture. they cross thresholds with me and others. denying everything and accept the very thing that eludes them in the city….the simple yet undeniable presence of god. i will be among prophetic voices whose creative musings will re-center me despite its temporary revival, there will be saints whose ill-formed words of dawning prayers will usher an invitation of the dearly beloved to approach that throne of grace. there will be those who will lust for one another's bodies, eyes following shapes that linger for storing fantasies, clinging to the faint prospect of consummation, shedding of garments of religion passed on from generations of adulterous pilgrims, arriving with tatters of unbelief, preaching that falls on horizontal ears, it all seems so messy and ugly…it looks so "unsaved."

perhaps that is the secret of salvation…that it points to a God who can redeem this messiness. salvation not only definted as our admittance through the gates but He redeems through adoration–this awkward and suspicious faith of ours that mistrusts this promise. that with our double-minded lives…there is a singular point of light that illuminates all of this darkness…and we discover…that our fallenness is a narrative of counterpoints this furious mercy of His. It does much to remind us. to make our lives into psalms. our bulbing tears, our uncategorized fears, our soul suffering, breakages of compassion, receiving our reminder that we are closer than we think…this tedious wrestling match which should be a dance…taking that first step and close our eyes and wait to stumble and step on His feet and he guides us…as i am surrounded by this glorious love that repeats in declensions

"you are mine"

distance friend

peterong — Fri, 26 May 2006 04:43:29 +0000

there are days, when i arise and contemplate the distinct color of my faith. on days when i am connected with god, i feel like orange, a sun orange, blazing with a passion that requires acknowledgement, attention and a degree of welcoming. when i am distant, i feel like the color of a dirty chalkboard, with remnants from past theological musings that are covered in swipes of doubt and distracting pornographic delusions, then there are days when i am yearning but distant and that is the color of raw meat, with its radiant blood pulsing red, stringed with pinkish tendons and lardish white…awaiting the broil conversion of faith…when i am deeply in meditative i am the color of night fog that requires a protective squint to see and to wait till the fog passes for arrival….this alerts me to the quantitative sounds of that whisper. when i am resting in grace, that is when there is the myriad of all these colors converge into a mosaic that is my faith…it is authentic and requires all these colors to depict who I am. a work of colors of which shades evades the containment of just….

one….

color…

it is incomplete but pregnant with beauty

a stumbling towards grace

declensions

distance friend